I recently posted about choosing to stay married and how heartbreaking it is to me that so many of my Christian friends are choosing to not stay married.  People are broken.  I get that all too well.  And some of my closest, dearest brothers and sisters in Christ have been divorced and survived the scars of broken relationships.  Some by their own decision, some by the brute force of the one they promised to love and still do love.  My soul was impressed to repost for those who may have gone through such a heartbreaking experience, or are staring it down right now and read my post and felt judged.  That in no way was my intent.  My ONLY intent was to encourage those considering the step towards such a permanent breaking of a relationship to be encouraged that Christ truly does speak into our lives in a real and powerful way even today and that if His child asks for help, He does give it.  I have seen this borne out in my life, even when I did not truly believe it was possible, in faith, I asked it of Him and He responded.

As a teenager I poured over the Bible, reading it cover to cover twice, begging Him to show me irrefutably that this was the Truth and that His Way was the only one.  A broken man of God came to our youth meeting one Friday night and preached the Word with conviction and authority and the Holy Spirit poured out in that meeting, causing most of us to break down into tears and confess to each other and reconcile.  But I was driven from the room to the upstairs Fellowship Hall, where, totally alone, I heard the Lord speak to me.  Yes.  Out Loud.  He asked me, “Are you for Us or against Us?”  I responded with an enthusiastic, “For You!”  (Which, yes, was very weird being spoken out loud to a room where I could not see anyone, but I was overjoyed with the answer to my searching.)

Years later, graduated from college, I spent the summer in the Black Hills of my college’s Science Station.  Near the end of the summer I went to a secluded spot that many of us had used throughout the summer for prayer.  I sat on a big rock there and asked the Lord whether I should date this guy I’d gotten to know there.  To my surprise He answered me OUT LOUD again and quite emphatically, “NO!”  Stupidly, (because God might not have understood me the first time, right?) I asked again, and He was gracious enough to repeat Himself and again, quite forcefully.  Even more stupidly, I ignored His warning (so like, why did I ask in the first place?!!) and I paid dearly for years and years afterwards without even realizing it.  Date rape is a subtle and evil crime that leaves the victim with scars buried down so deep they have no idea what has been causing their dysfunction, they only know that they are dysfunctional and cannot understand why or how to change it.

So when Dave & I had our conversation where he confessed he could not stay in a relationship as hurtful as ours and I confessed that he should just feel free to leave me because I knew I was broken and I didn’t have any idea why . . . by trusting the Lord for the answer instead of just giving up, He was able to show us exactly why.  Through circumstances I had nothing to do with, I shared about my own date rape experience in order to minister to a friend of my daughter.  Then – nearly paralyzed with fear – I realized I now had to “confess” this to my husband as well – before someone else talked about it and he found out from a third party.  Miraculously, (and I don’t choose that word lightly here,) the moment I told Dave about what had happened to me, a wall I had not even known existed between us just fell away.

Not to be known as going half way, the Lord then led me to try going gluten free in a halfhearted attempt to help me endure my RA without having to take more drugs.  I was taking minocycline and methotrexate at the time.  Within a week Dave let me know I was never to go off this diet!  I felt better than I had felt since my twenties and the longer I stayed with it and discovered more ways to avoid the gluten, the better I felt.  I now no longer take any drugs for the RA.  (We experimented with plaquinal the past two months for a wrist that was not healing, but discovered it was really the arthritis, not the RA, causing the problem.)

What does this have to do with my relationship with Dave?  Well, if you are sick ALL THE TIME and your spouse needs you to be there for them, but physical effort at anything is just too much for you – suddenly being able to do things again is a HUGE boon to a marriage.  I’m talking around the issue here, but I think  you can figure out what I am hinting at.  For two to become One, there is work involved.  If you are too tired to do anything – ALL THE TIME – someone is losing out in your relationship!

The gluten aspect of my RA caused me to be depressed as well, emotionally unable to get out of myself and relate to others.  Being around people and just talking conversationally with them exhausted me.  Now I follow Dave around to all the blues jams in the area, talking, meeting new people, enjoying performers and I go home wanting more.  Sure sometimes I overdo, but at least I feel good enough to get that far!

Not enough for you?  There’s always the time I prayed for a baby girl, kept doing everything I could to not have children, because more than the one son we already had was not in the plan.  And Dave & I, (thanks to much of the above) were the best birth control all by ourselves, and yet a couple months later I realized, hey, I’m pregnant!  And our sweet Alyssa came six and a half years after my “only” child.  A precious true GIFT from Jesus.

So I reiterate – I will not EVER judge any of my brothers and sisters as they deal with the brokenness of the world they have been thrust into.  I do not live in their circumstances and I have no way to walk in their particular shoes.  I only bring to them ENCOURAGEMENT.  Christ is not unsympathetic.  He is not unable to help you.  And He LONGS to show you how very much, very much He loves you.  And, He has the inside scoop on all of us, who we really are and what we really need in order to shed the curse’s shell that tries to keep us down, to block out the wonderfulness of being loved by the Creator of the Universe, the Master, the Redeemer, the Beautiful One.  He died deliberately and rose again in order to redeem us, but He did NOT stop there.  He will redeem your pain, the ugliness of your circumstances, the everything keeping you from growing even closer to Him.  He really does LOVE YOU MADLY!!!!  Believe it!